As the 2016 political season unfolds, one of the biggest surprises — and that is saying something, as there have been so many — has been the emergence of Melania Trump as a formidable third wife.
I consider myself something of an expert on third wives. Not that I have been married three times, quelle horreur. I can’t even imagine the level of insanity that would lead someone down that road but I am an expert player of the game, “Third Wife or Mistress?”
In case you’ve never played, I’ll explain the rules. Actually, the name of the game pretty much explains the rules. While waiting for the next round of drinks to be served at your favorite overpriced, formerly trendy watering hole — Gotham Grill being my personal favorite — you simply guess if the women accompanying the captains of industry who are inevitably drawn to these places are third wives or mistresses. It can be a hilarious way to spend some time with friends, especially if one of those friends is working behind the bar and scoring you drinks at free or reduced prices.
I haven’t found a good spot to play locally but if you’ve got one, clue me in. I’ll buy you a drink and we’ll play a round. One thing about this part of the world, it may be hard to find a spot to play my favorite bar game but at least the drinks are cheap when you do find one. Compared to Gotham Grill, of course.
Let’s get back to Melania though, who is currently a third wife and previously a mistress, which is how that particular career path usually goes. The mere fact that she got that promotion — as it’s usually considered though maybe not in her case — shows her to be a force to be reckoned with. And she has played the thankless role of third wife with formidable skill.
I can already hear the uproar of disagreement due to the plagiarism debacle at the Republican convention. And I must concede, that was a rare misstep. But her intentions were good and oratory is not usually considered a necessary skill for a third wife.
The successful third wife does well to find a first wife to emulate and Melania Trump has chosen Michelle Obama to fill that role. An excellent choice but she should have attributed her quotes. That would have been a blast. For obvious reasons.
Perhaps the third Mrs. Trump was led down the primrose path of plagiarism because of a lack of time management skills. While she should have been studying Mrs. Obama’s rhetorical skills so that she could emulate without copying, instead she clearly spent all her time studying Mrs. Obama’s fashion skills. An exercise which was undoubtedly of far more interest to her and one at which she excelled.
Mrs. Obama speaks with her clothing choices. She often wears Duro Olowu, an African designer working in London. The third Mrs. Trump made her ill-fated speech at the Republican convention wearing Roksanda Ilincic, a Serbian designer working in London. Melania is Slovenian. Slovenia and Serbia are both part of the former country of Yugoslavia. See what she did there? They both chose a slightly obscure designer (which shows their style savvy) whose origin and history makes a nod to their own. It’s a nice trick which Mrs. Obama employs often and now, so does the third Mrs. Trump.
Mrs. Obama has also worn Ilincic, so maybe it was that.
The third Mrs. Trump has also shown great savvy with price point. Most of her outfits are off-the-rack designer stuff averaging about $2,500 an outfit. At that price she can get something nice, something aspirational, but not tone-deaf stupid. Her husband seemingly wouldn’t care if she wore Chanel Couture if he is indeed as rich as he says he is, but something tells me, Mrs. T3 knows it wouldn’t be a good idea to prance around in an outfit that cost more than a new Mercedes. I mean a golden toilet is one thing, but the peasants do have a limit as to the excesses of the aristocracy. At least, they did in her old country. And those peasants only had pitchforks. Here they have AK-47s.
Last Sunday night, Melania certainly spoke with her fashion choice when she made her greatest fashion statement to date. Arriving at the second presidential debate wearing a shocking-pink Gucci blouse of a style whose name dare not be spoken in a family newspaper, the jaws of fashion professionals dropped around the world. When New York Magazine broke the story of the vulgarly-named garment later that same evening, the jaw-dropping spread to the general public. By Tuesday evening, it was almost sold out. Only a few Italian size 38s left (equivalent to a US size 0). Like her mentor Michelle Obama, everything Melania Trump wears sells out.
No doubt, the third Mrs.Trump was making a strong statement in regard to the brewing scandal resulting from the damning video of her husband bragging about sexual assault released just two days before.
But what was the statement?
Was she showing solidarity with her husband and his grabbing ways? Was she mocking the people who were attacking him? Was she pointing out where he liked to grab her? Was it a silent plea for help?
Or, possibly, could it be that her stylist — whom I can only assume is now her former stylist — is a Democrat? A Democrat who undoubtedly watched the debate Sunday evening giggling into her chardonnay while updating her Linked In profile.
Bill Colvard is Lifestyles writer for The Mount Airy News and can be reached at 336-415-4699 or on Twitter @BillColvard.