David Broyles | The News

Behavioral Health Counselor Kimberly Spencer of Northern Pediatrics explains bullying is not a conflict. It is victimization. She says both kids who are bullied and kids who bully others may have serious, lasting problems. Positive role modeling, empowering bystanders to not just watch and assertiveness training can help change the social culture in a school and decrease bullying.

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Set aside what may have been portrayed about bullying on family-hour television. Data being collected about the longstanding behavior indicates it is not a conflict. It’s victimization.

“Make no mistake. Bullying is out there (in Surry County),” said Kimberly Spencer, a behavioral health counselor for Northern Pediatrics with more than 15 years experience working with families and individuals in outpatient, inpatient and community mental health treatment facilities.

She explained the unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children is repeated or has the potential to be repeated over time.

“At its core, the definition of bullying is an imbalance of power either real or perceived,” said Spencer. “Kids who bully use their strength, for instance, to physically control someone’s behavior or use access to embarrassing information to control someone and it’s not just one person, it is a pattern.”

Spencer said the topic of bullying is an umbrella subject with other issues including date violence and cyber bullying falling interconnected with it. She explained that cyber bullying is where a person uses social media on the Internet such as Facebook and My Space and controls someone by posting pictures and status information to control another.

She said social media users need to be aware how information they post about themselves could be used against them later on. Some information also can be obtained by pedophiles resulting in physical harm to children.

“Parents should be aware of all social media used by their children,” said Spencer. “They should have access to all their children’s social accounts and use the parental controls on their computers.” She said one important source of information about bullying is the website www.stopbullying.gov.

Spencer said times also have changed regarding date violence. Now this violence can affect boys as well as girls.

“Girls can be abusers as well as boys,” said Spencer, who added data indicates this behavior is remaining prevalent just like other forms of bullying. Spencer said one helpful website to gain more information on date violence is www.loveisrespect.com. She said often victims of date violence don’t have to have physical marks like bruises.

She said issues concerning her are school systems using only zero tolerance policies and conflict resolution and peer mediation as a means to stop bullying. Zero tolerance policies suspend or expel children who bully others. Spencer said this may be necessary but only in a small number of cases and should not be a standard prevention policy.

Spencer cited recent surveys of elementary and middle school students that show about one in five students admit to occasionally bullying their peers. She said the threat of expulsion or suspension may discourage children and adults from reporting bullying. Often bullying is an indicator of poor role models in the home and suspension just sends bullies back into an environment encouraging bad behavior.

She indicated conflict resolution and peer mediation, common strategies for dealing with issues between students, are misdirected because it sends the wrong message to students that both parties are partly right or wrong.

“The message should be that no one deserves to be bullied,” said Spencer. “The message for children who bully should be their behavior is inappropriate and must stop.”

Spencer also said mediation may upset victims because facing the child who bullied them may make them feel worse. She said group treatment for children who bully also can have the opposite effect because group members tend to serve as role models and reinforce bullying behavior as the group becomes like a gang.

She said she favors using comprehensive plans where school staff model correct behavior and are trained on spotting, reporting and preventing bullying.

“My concern is that school systems educate their staff about preventing bullying and how to report it so victims don’t get victimized again,” said Spencer. “It’s important that parents show in a healthy way they value their children’s opinions. Not allowing children to run the house but making sure they have a say in age appropriate activities.” She also favors assertiveness training for victims.

“This cuts down on victimization when children feel good about themselves,” continued Spencer. “Another powerful thing is bystanders to bullying not just walk away. There is power in numbers in defense of a person being bullied. Don’t give a bully an audience. Be a part of helping the victim get away and reporting it to responsible adults and not just watching.”

Spencer said teachers, who typically rush in and separate the children to keep them from harm, must be aware of modeling correct behaviors. She said an example of this is not yelling at someone to stop yelling.

Surry County Schools Director of Elementary Curriculum and Instruction Jennifer Scott and Mount Airy City Schools Assistant Superintendent Bryan Taylor confirm both systems use positive behavior support to change the culture in schools with the goal to prevent bullying.

“Bullying in the Mount Airy School system is taken very seriously,” commented Taylor. “We are working to eradicate it in our schools. It is going to take time and a lot of work, but we are working towards that goal.” The positive behavior support program includes components training staff in identification and reporting of bullying and positive role modeling.

Scott said the county system’s program of Positive Behavior Intervention and Support (PBIS) has resulted in a 40-percent drop in office referrals over the last three years. Components of this program include the identification and teaching expected behavior in different social situations as well as standardization of behavior expectations in classrooms.

This system also includes positive re-enforcement for students who follow expectations and consequences for rules infractions. She said county schools also track data about infractions and each school’s positive behavior coach meets with his or her PBIS team to spot problems and address them before they become worse.

Reach David Broyles at dbroyles@heartlandpublications.com or 719-1952.